Who the hell are you?

So here is the question of the day. Who the hell are you and why do you do what you do? And no this is not aimed at my people or the old folks, we all understand those two particular short comings. this is aimed directly at the pretentious asshole driving his BMW in the fast lane at sixty miles an hour. Or the nice lady in the suburban holding a phone to the side of her head, who manages to speed up when you try to pass her, and slow down when you can't, even though she can't focus enough of her attention on the road to keep the six thousand pounds of rolling death that she is piloting in her own damn lane. Perhaps even the tight assed, hybrid driving, card carrying member of P.E.T.A. that seems bent on personally enforcing the speed limit.

now before you get all anxious, and start screaming about how I am stereotyping you or your people, GET OVER YOURSELF! I didn't just pick these examples to hurt your poor fragile feelings, they are just the three knuckleheads that I encountered on my last commute. So if you are a pretentious ass, an oblivious bitch, or a self righteous nincompoop don't be upset, this is not a commentary of you and all your people, just the three I had to deal with.

So, now that we have the who, lets delve into the why. you are either :

A) unfamiliar with proper freeway etiquette.

B) multitasking, and, actually driving the vehicle you are sitting in is way down on your list of priorities. somewhere below applying make up, reading cosmo., changing the Avril Levine song on your radio, and of course chatting it up with your gay co-worker about how bad your man treats you.

C) so rich and pretentious, that you keep all of your employees cowering in fear, or clambering to plant their heads firmly between your cheeks. after so many years of ass kissing you might even have reached the logical conclusion that you are the only person on the road that matters, and everyone should cater to your particular "style" of driving, (while being suitably impressed with your awesome success as a human).

D) you and the other animal loving, tree hugging, self centered, holier-than-thou, despots, have all decided to save the environment by enforcing the speed limits that the police don't. yes you will save the planet by making people drive sixty thereby forcing their cars to run efficiently saving gasoline, reducing emissions, which lowers global warming. Hooray you, now if you could only remember what you did with that red paint, because that lady in the fur coat needs to be taught a lesson.

This brings us to our final option, and this one is my personal take on the whole situation.

E) You have come to the startling realization, (through years of intensive therapy) that you peaked in grade school. when the dirty old man that was your teacher made you the hall monitor in exchange for not telling anyone that he touched you in your naughty place. that was the last time you felt any real authority or control. now your life is a string of failed relationships with men (or women) that every day abuse you verbally or physically. you travel to and from a dead end job where you are unappreciated, looked over for advancement, and feel that everyone is out to get you. you boss is rude, callous, and never misses an opportunity to remind you where you stand in the grand scheme of things. you drink incessantly to try and forget the fact that not only is your entire life a complete and utter failure with no light at the end of the tunnel, you are bringing up your children in the same situation that you grew up in. that's right you have done very little, gone nowhere, and achieved nothing. if you disappeared no one would notice, but out on the freeways you are sixty mile an hour man/woman! yes here you are lord of the highway, enforcing YOUR will upon all the hapless souls that cross your path. yes for that one glorious hour you can exert some small measure of control over a dismal life that has been circling the drain for years, and you never miss an opportunity.

So I congratulate you sixty mile an hour man, on a game well played. you did indeed make me travel at sixty miles an hour (until the freeway hit six lanes), and I look forward to providing you with that one glimmer of satisfaction in the miserable swamp of sorrow that your pitiful life has become mired in, at some future date. until then, happy commuting,... you ass hat!

what is best in life

alright, I am just as impressed as the rest of the world with how fast Mr. Phelps can swim. I am however, equally unimpressed with his attitude and ego. Am I the only one who is sick of hearing people debate whether or not this kid is "the greatest Olympian ever"? I mean really we get it the kid swims fast, yippee, but the Olympics is supposed to be about more the just your athletic prowess. they are supposed to bring people of very diverse cultures and backgrounds together to share in good clean competition, with the emphasis on sportsmanship. the Olympics aren't supposed to be the fighting pits of Sumaria, where you crush your enemies see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women. you aren't supposed to beat your chest and howl gloriously over the body of your fallen competitor, while the crowds shower you with howls of lust and fury. So yes the kid does swim fast, but after watching his behavior when he is winning, I have decided that for my money he is not the greatest Olympian ever, he's not even close.

in memory of

just a note to acknowledge the passing of a loyal friend. Mr. John Wade's time has expired. after all the things he had to fight to overcome in his life, he is finally at peace. farewell friend, rest in peace.

you got served

so all day long congress has been interviewing Roger Clemens about steroid use. I watched some of these self rightous knuckleheads preen in front of the cameras to show a "grateful" nation how much they are accomplishing for us, and I am appalled. This then, is what our elected officials are there for? I guess they need to take on the tough issues, like whether or not some dude cheated at a "sport" that a great many people don't give a rat's ass about. Good thing they are taking care of that instead of checking out why California still has gas prices over $3.00. Yes, I know that gas companies selling off California's surplus to foreign countries, and shutting down refineries so that they can fleece the unsuspecting public, is of little concern to the average person. I don't care about getting ripped off, as long as i know whether or not some millionaire athlete cheated at his sport, who needs to make a living anyway!
now as for congress investigating anyone, what makes them qualified? Is it the fact that they had enough money, or enough support from special interests to get elected? Does owing your job to unions, power companies, pharmacuetical companies, or maybe even more unsavory charactors make you qualified to sit in judgement of others? Here's a list of some elected officials and their problems, then you tell me.


1) Sen. Harry Reid- According to the times, he used his influence in Washington to help a developer (Mr. Whitmore) clear obstacles for a very profitable real estate project. As the deal advanced, he recieved tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from Whitmore, who also hired Sen. Reid's son as his personal lawyer, eventually appointing him to negotiate said real estate deal with federal officials. During the time he was negotiating this deal, the younger Reid called his father's office to talk to him about how to get the E.P.A. permits the deal needed to proceed, this represents a clear conflict of interests.

2)Rep. William Jefferson- indicted on federal charges of: Racketeering, soliciting bribes, and money laundering, in a long running bribery investigation into buisiness deals he tried to broker in Africa.

3) Sen. David Vitter- Acknowledged "serious sin" after his phone number was found among those called by an escort service that prosecutors allege was a prostitution ring.

4) Sen. Larry Craig- who can forget this guy? he was arrested (and plead guilty) for ,and i forget the legal terminology but this captures the spirit of it, toolin for man ass in a airport restroom.

5) former Mayor Rudy Guliani- ABC reported that the former mayor provided a police vehicle and a city driver to his mistress (who later became his new wife) at the taxpayers expense.

6) Sen Dianne Feinstein- while on the Senate appropriations commitee on military construction, reviewed very lucrative contracts that eventually were awarded to her husband's construction company. conflict of interest, or the best company for the job, you make the call.

7) Sen. Hillary Clinton- this "champion" of ethics reform, has blocked the release of white house records which may allegedly expose misconduct on behalf of her and/or her husband. in march of 2007 an ethics complaint was filed, for allegedly filing false financial disclosure forms with the Senate. as a result, her top campaign contributor, one Norman Hsu, was exposed as a felon and a fugitive from justice.

8) Rep. John Conyers- reportedly forced his staff to work as personal servants, sitters, valets, and campaign workers, while on the government payroll.

9) Sen. Barack Obama- caught conducting campaign buisiness in his senate office. (this is a violation of federal law). had "suspicious" dealings with indicted political fundraiser Antoin (tony) Rezko. he pushed legislation that benefited some major campaign contributors pharmacuetical companies, after buying thousands of dollars worth of stock in their companies (allegedly).


Is this then the best we have to offer? are these people we elected to serve our nation serving anyone but themselves? do we even really have a choice who gets elected, or just who they will let us elect? I don't have the answers to any of those questions, but after watching them "grill" some athletes, and the dudes who claim to have given them steroids, i can only reach one logical conclusion. I got served...... served, served, served, served... yeah!

election apathy

today on the job, i heard some employees breaking the cardinal rule. ( never talk about sex, religion, or politics ). now a bunch of construction workers breaking rules is not surprising in and of itself. what was shocking to me was the topic, ( politics ) and the turn the conversation took. three dudes were saying they wouldn't bother going to vote because " who cares, I don't think any of them are qualified anyway." when i hear these kinds of indifferent comments, it disturbs me. there are places in the world where people would risk death just to speak their minds. in some places they would gladly sacrifice themselves for their children to have just the smallest chance to take an active role in their government. we take for granted, and blow off, the liberties that many others will never know. we rationalize our behavior by saying our voices won't make a difference, but every now and then, someone does. he or she may not live a very long life, but they make a positive change whatever the cost. this election when i go to the polls, whether there is a good candidate or not, i will be thankful that i at least have the chance to participate, and i will keep those who paid the ultimate price for me to have that opportunity close to my heart. every time i write some nonsense on the internet, i think of that dude standing in front of tanks in china. what a terrible chance he took to give people the right to assemble, if only for another minute. "he alone deserves liberty who daily must win them anew' --Geothe--

shiny objects

so today i was in the bank for a few moments. and like most places these days they had a television blaring to distract us from their poor customer service. as i stood there waiting to be helped i started to feel a little insulted by the fact these people think we are so small minded that they can dazzle us with "shiny objects" while they do a sub par job. then just as i was about to sink into a dark place of fury and self righteousness, it happened. I heard the stupidest thing ever! an anchor on the television actually said " politics is supposed to be about honor and issues, not all of this mudslinging ", and kept a straight face . well as you can imagine, i was instantly enthralled. i mean really, who was the last politician that was honorable. or the last one that took on a hard issue, with nothing to gain from his/her stance. i stood there alternating between laughter and incredulity, until suddenly it was my turn. then i realized, it had worked. i was so dumbfounded i forgot to be pissed off about my slack ass banks' poor customer service. i was blinded by the "shiny objects". then i realized the dude on TV was doing the same thing. throw out some beautiful concepts to distract from the fact, that no matter who wins this election, most likely we will all lose. oh well, at least they will fill my vision with "shiny objects" for the next four years, maybe i won't notice everything going to hell.

the Clinton Obamanation

so here's the thing, there has never been an election that should have been easier to win, for one political party. the dems. could have trotted out any old white dude, and won by a landslide. yet here they are, in the middle of all the primaries, and their leading candidates are a woman and a "african" american. at first i figured they were just out of touch with a good portion of the country, ie the south, back east, and small town bible belt states. i figured they all spent times in big cities, and didn't realize that crazy bigots are still running around all over this country. then it came to me! this may well be, the shrewdest civil rights advancement in decades. the democrats could take an election like this, where one party is so distasteful, and use it to force people to accept a candidate regardless of gender or ethnicity. i mean hell, it has happened in other countries, and they are still there. so this election year i will be tipping a glass back for the democratic party. they have either made a huge difference in the way this country's citizens view each other, or made the most monumental fuck up in election history! either way, i salute your courage, cheers.

todays haiku

shades of black and pink
aggression and grace at once
bar inspiration

triumphant return

That's right kids, the screamin chinaman is back on the blog. i have many excuses as to why i haven't posted since august. i was re-habing my injuries, i was working a ton of overtime (including being sent out of town for three weeks), i moved and was re-organizing, but the best excuse is i was/am building a sweet bar for my new apartment. well usually excuses are B.S. but heres some pictures, and you be the judge.