smitten?

Alright, I've heard a lot of crazy shit in my time, but this one is fantastic. for many years now I have firmly asserted that all soldiers do one of three things during their term of service: they " find god ", get married, or start drinking and smoking. sometimes they do a combination of the three but always at least one. this is due to any number of reasons which I will not go into right now as they are not the topic of this particular rant. no what this is about, is the article I just saw that states the company Trijicon is stamping the codes of particular bible verses on the sights that they are selling to the military to send into battle.
Am I the only one who finds this idea hypocritical, hilarious, and kind of sad at the same time? I mean first off even the military grants you the right to chose your own religion to stamp on your dog tags ( although they refuse to let me put atheist ), and even if you do choose some particular denomination you generally aren't asking for god's help to smite your enemy. most of the time people are looking for some sort of protection, absolution, or just plain something greater to believe in. they want to believe the crazy shit they have to do and the insanity that they are dropped smack dab in the middle of have some greater meaning or purpose.
especially in these times with this sort of war against this sort of religious fervor is this the message we want to send? who gives some self righteous prick the right to put something that potentially inflammatory on a soldier's rifle? should they be put further into harms way based on some douche bag who is safe back in the states opinions/beliefs? what if they are captured? already the outlook is not good for anyone who falls into the hands of these zealots, do they really need any more encouragement to do something terrible to these kids who are just over there doing their jobs? agree with the "mission" or not this is an egregious error in judgement. the government goes out of it's way to supposedly separate religion from the state, yet this is allowed to slide? now this chuckle head who own the company says it's within his rights to stamp what he wants on his product and there is nothing illegal about what he is doing, and I agree. it's also the right of the government to pull his contract and award it to someone that to paraphrase the old saying "god gave the sense to come in out of the rain". it is every one's right to have whatever faith they desire, until you put others in harms way, then I propose if you really are so pious you should evaluate they situation and exercise a little restraint. your beliefs are not worth the lives of those who protect every one's right to believe whatever they choose. we live in an amazing country where you are free to espouse whatever nonsense you desire, and those men and women insure that you keep that right, shouldn't we as a people go out of our way to protect them as much as we can? once again, the war being right or wrong in your opinion is not what's important, the lives of the soldiers who have no choice whether or not to be there is, and your personal beliefs do not give you the right to endanger them further.

great ad campaign?

Ok so I just saw an add for Subway sandwiches, and I was stunned by the innuendo. The commercial in question had Michael Phelps as the "spokesperson" which in and of itself is not that surprising. the thing that really caught my eye though was the fact that the commercial was for the new subway "baked" sandwiches. given his recent history is this the campaign you want to throw him into? do they not realize that the term baked is also associated with a certain illegal activity that he was photographed participating in? or are they counting on the fact that it will generate a little buzz just from the " are you freaking kidding me " factor? either way I found the whole situation quite entertaining. now if you will excuse me I have the munchies and am heading right out to the nearest Subway sandwich store.

it all makes sense now

I just figured it out. I was playing farmville ( I know, I kinda want to kick my own ass to ), when it struck me. the reason all cops have great big bushy mustaches is because they fertilize them. I'm sure if any of us spent that much time with our heads planted firmly up our asses we could grow them to! that's right kids, I'm making the world a better place by solving one of life's questions at a time. thank you and good night.

it's a jungle out there

why, you might ask of me, do you have such an aversion to the members of the "law enforcement" community? you might then point out how hard their job is, and how dangerous, or maybe play the "they deal with dirty lying scumbag criminals all day every day" card so cut them some slack. all of which is probably true, yet still I have no love for them. I'm not hanging on to a twenty year old grudge from when the same two ignorant racist fuckhead cops used to pull me over and make me sit handcuffed on the curb every day for two weeks straight as I drove from my job ( making me a productive member of society ) to my junior college classes ( trying to better myself, thus benefiting society again ), at least not much. I take pride in the fact that I give each person I meet the chance to be a man like any other, not judging by fashion, hair, race, or education. Yet there is one group of "people" that I can't seem to give that benefit.
ask yourself this. have you ever had a positive experience with a cop? outside of charities, benefits, or other P.R. stunts. can you get them to show up when you call, or are you always in someone Else's doughnut shop... I mean district. and on the off chance you can force them to show up, can you get them to do anything but try and start trouble for you? I mean really, it's my fault for turning someone to a life of crime by accidentally leaving a dollar bill on my seat after going through a drive through? I deserve to get lectured and reprimanded for my thoughtless oversight, while you stand there and tell me nothing can be done about it? god forbid you get on your radio for two seconds and check to see if there were a rash of break ins in the neighborhood, or maybe some punk kids were caught vandalizing cars and hold them accountable for my broken window, no by all means give me shit for almost a half an hour about what I did wrong to cause this, as if you were going to be doing some important life changing police work that was going to change the world but I ruined it by asking for my car to be broken into.
then there's the a-hole who sees me drive through my suburban neighborhood with what he assumes is a bandanna holding back my long hair. you know the one, he follows you until he can come up with some bullshit excuse to pull you over, or better yet, when you pull over at your destination, blocks your car turns on his lights and yells at you over his P.A. to remain in the car ( which your neighbors love ) only when he reaches your window and discovers it is not a bandanna and you are not some gang banging thug, his attitude change a little. he relaxes a little bit, but decides what the hell, he already took the time and energy to pull me over, he may as well fuck with me a bit, problem is I haven't done anything, not even some minor traffic violation. then out comes his get out of jail free card, and I quote " you match the description of someone in the area doing ( you fill in the blank here, these are always creative and different)". now this may not mean much for anyone reading this who doesn't know me, but for those who do, you'll know I don't much match the description of anyone on the freaking planet.
here's the thing, these clowns have minimal training, yet can wreak maximum carnage on your life for no other reason then they are having a bad day and don't much like how you look. yet they are never held accountable because if you go to court to say some redneck cop broke your taillight on your truck and told you to turn around and leave his city or you will be cited and possibly held, the judge gives their testimony more credit than yours because he is a trusted public servant, and he doesn't much care for how you look either. these maniacs cry about the dangerous gangs in the city, but in my personal experience the gang I have had the most trouble with in my life is them. so there it is, I'm sure there are some cops out there trying to make the world a better place, but most of them that I have met are rude, abusive, judgmental, little dictators who are trying to rule their cozy little piece of the world with an iron fist. I do truly hope to meet one that will change my attitude one day, but until then, I hope not to "meet" any at all. end of rant, peace!

haiku for today

the measure of man
is not the length of his hair
piss off L. A. cop

do you believe in magic

It's well known that I am a pretty cynical bastard, I realize it and have managed to come to terms with the fact that I will always be a little bit jaded. Yet something has happened that has rocked the foundation of my critical thought process. We have all seen infomercials and laughed aloud. some of my favorites are the little giant step ladder, anything Ginsu, anything George Foreman, and of course the the Slap chop. We watch these over the top "personalities" pitching what we assume are the most ridiculous, cheap, unnecessary pieces of crap that we will never need, and if we ever did buy them they would be broken the first time we tried to use them. Then I witnessed this at our annual white elephant get together. The pure unbridled joy captured in this moment stunned me. maybe I've been to jaded, maybe I should re-evaluate my position on everything I see from now on. I mean if the snuggie commercial with everyone dancing and partying in their snuggies is actually the truth, then perhaps my life isn't complete unless I own a slap chop with complimentary grady. Who knows, should I stay up tonight and buy everything my television says to. Should I vote for whoever Fox and Larrry King tell me to? Should I bow to the "wisdom" of the collective masses and start riding a fixed gear in tight capri man pants and a fedora? I'm not sure, I guess I'll have to just start by being a little less sarcastic and I think this post was just what the doctor ordered!

Who the hell are you?

So here is the question of the day. Who the hell are you and why do you do what you do? And no this is not aimed at my people or the old folks, we all understand those two particular short comings. this is aimed directly at the pretentious asshole driving his BMW in the fast lane at sixty miles an hour. Or the nice lady in the suburban holding a phone to the side of her head, who manages to speed up when you try to pass her, and slow down when you can't, even though she can't focus enough of her attention on the road to keep the six thousand pounds of rolling death that she is piloting in her own damn lane. Perhaps even the tight assed, hybrid driving, card carrying member of P.E.T.A. that seems bent on personally enforcing the speed limit.

now before you get all anxious, and start screaming about how I am stereotyping you or your people, GET OVER YOURSELF! I didn't just pick these examples to hurt your poor fragile feelings, they are just the three knuckleheads that I encountered on my last commute. So if you are a pretentious ass, an oblivious bitch, or a self righteous nincompoop don't be upset, this is not a commentary of you and all your people, just the three I had to deal with.

So, now that we have the who, lets delve into the why. you are either :

A) unfamiliar with proper freeway etiquette.

B) multitasking, and, actually driving the vehicle you are sitting in is way down on your list of priorities. somewhere below applying make up, reading cosmo., changing the Avril Levine song on your radio, and of course chatting it up with your gay co-worker about how bad your man treats you.

C) so rich and pretentious, that you keep all of your employees cowering in fear, or clambering to plant their heads firmly between your cheeks. after so many years of ass kissing you might even have reached the logical conclusion that you are the only person on the road that matters, and everyone should cater to your particular "style" of driving, (while being suitably impressed with your awesome success as a human).

D) you and the other animal loving, tree hugging, self centered, holier-than-thou, despots, have all decided to save the environment by enforcing the speed limits that the police don't. yes you will save the planet by making people drive sixty thereby forcing their cars to run efficiently saving gasoline, reducing emissions, which lowers global warming. Hooray you, now if you could only remember what you did with that red paint, because that lady in the fur coat needs to be taught a lesson.

This brings us to our final option, and this one is my personal take on the whole situation.

E) You have come to the startling realization, (through years of intensive therapy) that you peaked in grade school. when the dirty old man that was your teacher made you the hall monitor in exchange for not telling anyone that he touched you in your naughty place. that was the last time you felt any real authority or control. now your life is a string of failed relationships with men (or women) that every day abuse you verbally or physically. you travel to and from a dead end job where you are unappreciated, looked over for advancement, and feel that everyone is out to get you. you boss is rude, callous, and never misses an opportunity to remind you where you stand in the grand scheme of things. you drink incessantly to try and forget the fact that not only is your entire life a complete and utter failure with no light at the end of the tunnel, you are bringing up your children in the same situation that you grew up in. that's right you have done very little, gone nowhere, and achieved nothing. if you disappeared no one would notice, but out on the freeways you are sixty mile an hour man/woman! yes here you are lord of the highway, enforcing YOUR will upon all the hapless souls that cross your path. yes for that one glorious hour you can exert some small measure of control over a dismal life that has been circling the drain for years, and you never miss an opportunity.

So I congratulate you sixty mile an hour man, on a game well played. you did indeed make me travel at sixty miles an hour (until the freeway hit six lanes), and I look forward to providing you with that one glimmer of satisfaction in the miserable swamp of sorrow that your pitiful life has become mired in, at some future date. until then, happy commuting,... you ass hat!

what is best in life

alright, I am just as impressed as the rest of the world with how fast Mr. Phelps can swim. I am however, equally unimpressed with his attitude and ego. Am I the only one who is sick of hearing people debate whether or not this kid is "the greatest Olympian ever"? I mean really we get it the kid swims fast, yippee, but the Olympics is supposed to be about more the just your athletic prowess. they are supposed to bring people of very diverse cultures and backgrounds together to share in good clean competition, with the emphasis on sportsmanship. the Olympics aren't supposed to be the fighting pits of Sumaria, where you crush your enemies see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women. you aren't supposed to beat your chest and howl gloriously over the body of your fallen competitor, while the crowds shower you with howls of lust and fury. So yes the kid does swim fast, but after watching his behavior when he is winning, I have decided that for my money he is not the greatest Olympian ever, he's not even close.

in memory of

just a note to acknowledge the passing of a loyal friend. Mr. John Wade's time has expired. after all the things he had to fight to overcome in his life, he is finally at peace. farewell friend, rest in peace.

you got served

so all day long congress has been interviewing Roger Clemens about steroid use. I watched some of these self rightous knuckleheads preen in front of the cameras to show a "grateful" nation how much they are accomplishing for us, and I am appalled. This then, is what our elected officials are there for? I guess they need to take on the tough issues, like whether or not some dude cheated at a "sport" that a great many people don't give a rat's ass about. Good thing they are taking care of that instead of checking out why California still has gas prices over $3.00. Yes, I know that gas companies selling off California's surplus to foreign countries, and shutting down refineries so that they can fleece the unsuspecting public, is of little concern to the average person. I don't care about getting ripped off, as long as i know whether or not some millionaire athlete cheated at his sport, who needs to make a living anyway!
now as for congress investigating anyone, what makes them qualified? Is it the fact that they had enough money, or enough support from special interests to get elected? Does owing your job to unions, power companies, pharmacuetical companies, or maybe even more unsavory charactors make you qualified to sit in judgement of others? Here's a list of some elected officials and their problems, then you tell me.


1) Sen. Harry Reid- According to the times, he used his influence in Washington to help a developer (Mr. Whitmore) clear obstacles for a very profitable real estate project. As the deal advanced, he recieved tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from Whitmore, who also hired Sen. Reid's son as his personal lawyer, eventually appointing him to negotiate said real estate deal with federal officials. During the time he was negotiating this deal, the younger Reid called his father's office to talk to him about how to get the E.P.A. permits the deal needed to proceed, this represents a clear conflict of interests.

2)Rep. William Jefferson- indicted on federal charges of: Racketeering, soliciting bribes, and money laundering, in a long running bribery investigation into buisiness deals he tried to broker in Africa.

3) Sen. David Vitter- Acknowledged "serious sin" after his phone number was found among those called by an escort service that prosecutors allege was a prostitution ring.

4) Sen. Larry Craig- who can forget this guy? he was arrested (and plead guilty) for ,and i forget the legal terminology but this captures the spirit of it, toolin for man ass in a airport restroom.

5) former Mayor Rudy Guliani- ABC reported that the former mayor provided a police vehicle and a city driver to his mistress (who later became his new wife) at the taxpayers expense.

6) Sen Dianne Feinstein- while on the Senate appropriations commitee on military construction, reviewed very lucrative contracts that eventually were awarded to her husband's construction company. conflict of interest, or the best company for the job, you make the call.

7) Sen. Hillary Clinton- this "champion" of ethics reform, has blocked the release of white house records which may allegedly expose misconduct on behalf of her and/or her husband. in march of 2007 an ethics complaint was filed, for allegedly filing false financial disclosure forms with the Senate. as a result, her top campaign contributor, one Norman Hsu, was exposed as a felon and a fugitive from justice.

8) Rep. John Conyers- reportedly forced his staff to work as personal servants, sitters, valets, and campaign workers, while on the government payroll.

9) Sen. Barack Obama- caught conducting campaign buisiness in his senate office. (this is a violation of federal law). had "suspicious" dealings with indicted political fundraiser Antoin (tony) Rezko. he pushed legislation that benefited some major campaign contributors pharmacuetical companies, after buying thousands of dollars worth of stock in their companies (allegedly).


Is this then the best we have to offer? are these people we elected to serve our nation serving anyone but themselves? do we even really have a choice who gets elected, or just who they will let us elect? I don't have the answers to any of those questions, but after watching them "grill" some athletes, and the dudes who claim to have given them steroids, i can only reach one logical conclusion. I got served...... served, served, served, served... yeah!