the screamin chinaman

"innocent question"??!?

2010-10-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

sometimes in life it is the seemingly innocuous statements or questions that leave the most lasting impressions. I'm not talking about the thing I say that comes out wrong, and offends someone, lord knows I've had more than my share of those. No I'm speaking to the small thing that you wouldn't think would hammer someone so badly, but sticks in their heads and haunts their thoughts for weeks. I'm sure with my warped sense of humor that I am responsible for more than my fair share of those remarks to, so maybe it is just Karma that I should be so affected by the same thing these last few weeks.
what brings up this particular line of insanity you might ask, well here's the thing. I recently bumped into one of my old friends that I hadn't seen in quite some time. after talking to him for a while he asked me "Dude, what happened to you" on the surface this may not seem like a question that will alter your perception of your entire life, but depending on how it is said it could be an affirmation of a life turned around and lived to the benefit of all others, it could simply mean what have you been doing all these years, or in my case a condemnation of a lifetime of poor choices and unreached potential. then again maybe only a persons own perception of himself is how one would interpret the question. I still am not quite sure what response my friend was seeking, but I being the person I am deflected the question with a smart assed remark and moved the conversation on quickly. Yet I can't help thinking I missed an opportunity to really connect with a staunch friend of my youth, for the conversation quickly turned to mundane superficial nonsense from there and we both went our separate ways.
should I have asked what he meant by the question? Would I even want to hear the brutal assessment of my failure as a human from my good friend, and was he still enough of a friend to even tell me the unvarnished truth as he saw it? Is it better not to have put him on the spot like that, or would that have cemented again the friendship that we both once shared. Perhaps it was a harmless question and my neurotic introspection would have convinced him it would be nice not to see me again for another twenty years. At this point I guess I will never know. The only thing this has convinced me is, if a seemingly harmless question from an acquaintance you haven't seen in twenty years can cause you this much distress, you are not where you need to be in life. I remain as always a work in "progress"

Things I think about on a long climb.

2010-02-04T13:44:00.000-08:00

I am as old as I will ever be.
Yet I am as young as I want to be.
I am as cautious as I need to be.
Yet I am as reckless as I desire.
I attack life's obstacles with an arrogant grin.
Yet I overcome them with humility.
I live my life with a singular focus.
Yet I enjoy every small moment along the way.
I have brought pain and misery to others.
Yet it was all for the greater good.
I offend others with my careless lack of tact.
Yet I care deeply for those I hold dear.
I am an island alone in this sea of humanity.
Yet I am nothing without my loved ones.
I am the center of my own universe.
Yet I value others much more than I.
I attack my pedals with unbridled rage.
Yet this to me is joy.
I suffer mightily up every climb.
Yet there is nowhere I would rather be.
I am the picture of contradiction.
Yet I am defined by my actions.

I am the cyclist.

Sake wisdom?

2010-01-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

At different times in my life, I have found that I possess a certain amount of moral ambiguity. That is to say, I have been flexible enough with the standards that should be the very core of your being, to do what was necessary to survive and sometimes even thrive in less than ideal conditions. This has had certain negative consequences in my life for sure, but life is a balancing act, and sometimes you have to play the "cards" you're dealt and deal with the cost after the fact. On the whole I have been willing to embrace my failings in life and pay the price for my many shortcomings, yet every now and then a situation presents itself that makes me wonder how much I have given up and how far gone I am.

For instance, my very considerate neighbor in one of the adjoining buildings recently got a puppy. All baby animals need some amount of training, nurturing, and patience to become the "valued members of our families" that they will one day be. I understand and accept that my neighbor's puppy will have "growing pains" and sometimes I will have to deal with them, as I am within barking, pooping, and peeing on my tires range of said animal. yet after four days of this animal being left out on the neighbor's balcony to shriek (and that is the only word for what this animal does) in misery, the first thought that popped into my head was: "if you're not going to care for the animal why don't you just euthanize the damn thing". I happen to like animals ,so the fact that I skipped right over all of the, you need to care for your animal better, thoughts and went immediately to the, you need to get rid of that thing, thoughts is rather disturbing to me. I mean I'm no P.E.T.A., bleeding heart, don't eat cows, activist, but I'd like to think I'm a decent man, yet there I was wishing ill upon a poor helpless, lonely animal whose only fault was to be upset over it's predicament, and rightfully so I might add. Does the fact that I went right to thoughts of euthanizing mean that I have slipped way farther than I had hoped? Or perhaps all I can do is hope that the fact that I can take a step back from the situation, albeit a day later, and look at it from a different point of view means my moral compass isn't to f^#ked up. Well life's answers aren't always black and white, so maybe I'll find what I'm looking for at the bottom of this blue bottle of Sake. So tilt those glasses back kids, and here's hoping a poor sinner hasn't sunk to far!

sour grapes?

2010-01-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

Hello children, as some if not all of you know, I a rabid sports fan. I am a: game attending, at my T.V. yelling, sports paraphernalia purchasing, stats researching, (insert color of my favorite team from whichever sport I am watching at the time) blooded sports fan, but I have been struggling with my sudden aversion to what used to be one of the three major U.S. sports, since sometime last year. yesterday my favorite football team the New York Jets lost in the conference finals, and I was filled with mixed emotions. I wanted desperately for them to succeed, and when it ended I was naturally a little despondent. yet at the same time I felt immense pride for the amazing season they had, the type of men they seem to be (no arrests, lots of local charity work, and at least in the public eye decent humans), the manner with which they represented/acknowledged their loyal fan base (me), and am eagerly awaiting what I fervently hope they will achieve in the future.
unfortunately this is the exact opposite of the feeling I was left with after the last hockey season. The blatant disregard for anything resembling fair, and un-biased refereeing was shocking, disappointing, and left me honestly feeling cheated for my support over all the years. to think that a major sport would influence the outcome of a series final so that their young and upcoming superstar "poster boy of the league" could win was stunning to me. since then some people have accused me of having sour grapes, and/or being a sore loser. they have insinuated that I saw only what I wanted to, and maybe my view of things is distorted by my love for my team. I had no concept of how to explain myself other than to point out the fact that I had previously watched my favorite hockey team lose in the playoffs, and even the finals but never in my life had I felt this way. I also pointed to the fact that I watched the finals with a good friend who supports a different team then I do, matter of fact he supports one of my team's most bitter rivals, and he saw exactly what I did. He found himself in a unique position last year, normally he revels in the fact that my team gets eliminated but this year even he had to say "sorry dude you got jobbed". still is this sufficient reason to write off a sport I have been an avid fan of for going on twenty years?this recent defeat for my football team, seems to have crystallised things in my mind a little bit.
I have often been asked why I am so "passionate" about sports in general, and this plays directly into why I am so disappointed in the NHL. in sports we see a little slice of life. there is drama, suspense, heroes, villains, professionalism, respect, glory, humility, suffering, and yes defeat is also a part of the equation. these are the things every human deals with on some scale in every day of their life, just try driving down a So-Cal freeway, and while I will never be connected to something on so grand a scale as playing for a football championship, I can't help but feel connected on some small level when a man who played two games with a broken hand and is on the verge of tears from losing what may be his last best shot at winning the big game, takes the time to talk to the media and thank all of us who supported his team this year and say how much that support from us have meant to him. I also can't be bitter when I can see the effort with which these men strove to reach their goal. there were missed calls for sure, no referee can be perfect all the time, but both teams went out on the field and gave it their all, with heart and courage and these men left all discussion and doubt about who was the better team this night behind, and I applaud them. this simple graceful gesture, one heartfelt thank you to the fans, binds us to him and the team we love, and at the same time gives us something to bind our families and friends together. for how many relationships between fathers and sons, brothers and sisters, or even long lost friends are rekindled, repaired or expanded through the simple act of going to a game or sitting in the same room to watch one? sometimes the truth in your own life is easier to find. while sharing a tough moment like this, for your mutual team, you may find the forgiveness in your heart for past transgressions of your loved ones, or in sharing the joy of victory you may look around and finally come to the realize how much you truly do value the family and friends you have chosen to surround yourself with. Sports may be on a much larger scale than any of us, like the world cup when it's country vs country, yet at it's core are you and I watching the games. they may provide an entire country "bragging rights" for four years, but it's real value is to the man who shares a moment with his wayward son over a game and possibly re-starts a relationship that was at one time thought lost.
this then is the core of the disappointment that I feel over last years hockey finals. these moments can't be manufactured. they aren't something that you can decide would be better if you had the right person to market your league. and the men who give us these moments deserve better, I know they are out there earning paychecks and fighting to win themselves a championship, but the first thing they do when they are victorious is acknowledge their family, friends, and fans who supported them. they connect with us on some level and through them we connect with others. To me it was summed up succinctly by a writer for "the new york times?" who wrote something to the effect of "this morning all jets fans will wake up and count the seconds until game time, that is if they could sleep at all. I will go and get my favorite jets hat and meet my father. I will sit with him and explain how much he would have loved this coach and how proud he would have been of this team, then I will leave the hat on his headstone and go to the game." the NHL may see it's sport as a business and that is their right, but these small moments are bigger then all of their giant championship moments, and they should be ashamed for forgetting that. I may watch hockey in the future, but I will never be as connected as I was, and it will never move a lot of us the way it once did.

klaatu, verata, ..... nuhuahuahua

2010-01-21T22:40:00.000-08:00

OK what the hell is going on here. the original bargain was: the west coast took the earthquakes and the mid-west took the damn tornadoes. yet today in Ventura county there was a frickin tornado reported. Maybe it was the media sensationalizing a good brisk wind I thought. I mean night after night they send six people at a time to go out and stand in the rain to explain to me what rain is and how dangerous the situation is like it's this brand new idea. the problem is there were multiple witnesses. I know, I know, the people the "news" find to put on their broadcasts are not usually the most reliable cats in the world. nothing against that feller with three teeth in riverside who explains he likes to stay in the park and use the drinking fountain when it's hot, but I'm not sure he's the fountain of information that I want to fill my cup from. these witnesses seemed almost credible though, they spoke clearly, were able to enunciate words, and most importantly had all their teeth! Now, we are veering off on that particular tangent right now, but I promise an issue as important as " the tooth to brain cell ratio " will be addressed in the future. back to the topic, I reached for the remote to change the channel in complete disdain of witness testimony ( even as credible as it seemed ) when they started showing pictures of physical evidence of a tornado. this wasn't the average " 2 inch thick branch sitting in the middle of the road ", this was a ginormous tree uprooted lifted and smashed down on a car. this tree was so big you almost had to take their word that a car was under it. I realize that the credit crunch is terrible and mortgages are defaulted on left and right. this naturally leads to more people living in sub-standard housing, and by that I mean trailer parks, but regardless of the amount of tornado magnets we group together in this state, the deal is the deal. I hope whoever is responsible for this egregious error in judgement will hold to the deal in the future. earthquakes = west coast, tornadoes = mid-west do the math and lets get it right from here on out. thank you, the management.

smitten?

2010-01-19T12:44:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've heard a lot of crazy shit in my time, but this one is fantastic. for many years now I have firmly asserted that all soldiers do one of three things during their term of service: they " find god ", get married, or start drinking and smoking. sometimes they do a combination of the three but always at least one. this is due to any number of reasons which I will not go into right now as they are not the topic of this particular rant. no what this is about, is the article I just saw that states the company Trijicon is stamping the codes of particular bible verses on the sights that they are selling to the military to send into battle.
Am I the only one who finds this idea hypocritical, hilarious, and kind of sad at the same time? I mean first off even the military grants you the right to chose your own religion to stamp on your dog tags ( although they refuse to let me put atheist ), and even if you do choose some particular denomination you generally aren't asking for god's help to smite your enemy. most of the time people are looking for some sort of protection, absolution, or just plain something greater to believe in. they want to believe the crazy shit they have to do and the insanity that they are dropped smack dab in the middle of have some greater meaning or purpose.
especially in these times with this sort of war against this sort of religious fervor is this the message we want to send? who gives some self righteous prick the right to put something that potentially inflammatory on a soldier's rifle? should they be put further into harms way based on some douche bag who is safe back in the states opinions/beliefs? what if they are captured? already the outlook is not good for anyone who falls into the hands of these zealots, do they really need any more encouragement to do something terrible to these kids who are just over there doing their jobs? agree with the "mission" or not this is an egregious error in judgement. the government goes out of it's way to supposedly separate religion from the state, yet this is allowed to slide? now this chuckle head who own the company says it's within his rights to stamp what he wants on his product and there is nothing illegal about what he is doing, and I agree. it's also the right of the government to pull his contract and award it to someone that to paraphrase the old saying "god gave the sense to come in out of the rain". it is every one's right to have whatever faith they desire, until you put others in harms way, then I propose if you really are so pious you should evaluate they situation and exercise a little restraint. your beliefs are not worth the lives of those who protect every one's right to believe whatever they choose. we live in an amazing country where you are free to espouse whatever nonsense you desire, and those men and women insure that you keep that right, shouldn't we as a people go out of our way to protect them as much as we can? once again, the war being right or wrong in your opinion is not what's important, the lives of the soldiers who have no choice whether or not to be there is, and your personal beliefs do not give you the right to endanger them further.

great ad campaign?

2010-01-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

Ok so I just saw an add for Subway sandwiches, and I was stunned by the innuendo. The commercial in question had Michael Phelps as the "spokesperson" which in and of itself is not that surprising. the thing that really caught my eye though was the fact that the commercial was for the new subway "baked" sandwiches. given his recent history is this the campaign you want to throw him into? do they not realize that the term baked is also associated with a certain illegal activity that he was photographed participating in? or are they counting on the fact that it will generate a little buzz just from the " are you freaking kidding me " factor? either way I found the whole situation quite entertaining. now if you will excuse me I have the munchies and am heading right out to the nearest Subway sandwich store.

it all makes sense now

2010-01-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

I just figured it out. I was playing farmville ( I know, I kinda want to kick my own ass to ), when it struck me. the reason all cops have great big bushy mustaches is because they fertilize them. I'm sure if any of us spent that much time with our heads planted firmly up our asses we could grow them to! that's right kids, I'm making the world a better place by solving one of life's questions at a time. thank you and good night.

it's a jungle out there

2010-01-11T23:33:00.000-08:00

why, you might ask of me, do you have such an aversion to the members of the "law enforcement" community? you might then point out how hard their job is, and how dangerous, or maybe play the "they deal with dirty lying scumbag criminals all day every day" card so cut them some slack. all of which is probably true, yet still I have no love for them. I'm not hanging on to a twenty year old grudge from when the same two ignorant racist fuckhead cops used to pull me over and make me sit handcuffed on the curb every day for two weeks straight as I drove from my job ( making me a productive member of society ) to my junior college classes ( trying to better myself, thus benefiting society again ), at least not much. I take pride in the fact that I give each person I meet the chance to be a man like any other, not judging by fashion, hair, race, or education. Yet there is one group of "people" that I can't seem to give that benefit.
ask yourself this. have you ever had a positive experience with a cop? outside of charities, benefits, or other P.R. stunts. can you get them to show up when you call, or are you always in someone Else's doughnut shop... I mean district. and on the off chance you can force them to show up, can you get them to do anything but try and start trouble for you? I mean really, it's my fault for turning someone to a life of crime by accidentally leaving a dollar bill on my seat after going through a drive through? I deserve to get lectured and reprimanded for my thoughtless oversight, while you stand there and tell me nothing can be done about it? god forbid you get on your radio for two seconds and check to see if there were a rash of break ins in the neighborhood, or maybe some punk kids were caught vandalizing cars and hold them accountable for my broken window, no by all means give me shit for almost a half an hour about what I did wrong to cause this, as if you were going to be doing some important life changing police work that was going to change the world but I ruined it by asking for my car to be broken into.
then there's the a-hole who sees me drive through my suburban neighborhood with what he assumes is a bandanna holding back my long hair. you know the one, he follows you until he can come up with some bullshit excuse to pull you over, or better yet, when you pull over at your destination, blocks your car turns on his lights and yells at you over his P.A. to remain in the car ( which your neighbors love ) only when he reaches your window and discovers it is not a bandanna and you are not some gang banging thug, his attitude change a little. he relaxes a little bit, but decides what the hell, he already took the time and energy to pull me over, he may as well fuck with me a bit, problem is I haven't done anything, not even some minor traffic violation. then out comes his get out of jail free card, and I quote " you match the description of someone in the area doing ( you fill in the blank here, these are always creative and different)". now this may not mean much for anyone reading this who doesn't know me, but for those who do, you'll know I don't much match the description of anyone on the freaking planet.
here's the thing, these clowns have minimal training, yet can wreak maximum carnage on your life for no other reason then they are having a bad day and don't much like how you look. yet they are never held accountable because if you go to court to say some redneck cop broke your taillight on your truck and told you to turn around and leave his city or you will be cited and possibly held, the judge gives their testimony more credit than yours because he is a trusted public servant, and he doesn't much care for how you look either. these maniacs cry about the dangerous gangs in the city, but in my personal experience the gang I have had the most trouble with in my life is them. so there it is, I'm sure there are some cops out there trying to make the world a better place, but most of them that I have met are rude, abusive, judgmental, little dictators who are trying to rule their cozy little piece of the world with an iron fist. I do truly hope to meet one that will change my attitude one day, but until then, I hope not to "meet" any at all. end of rant, peace!

haiku for today

2010-01-11T14:34:00.000-08:00

the measure of man
is not the length of his hair
piss off L. A. cop

do you believe in magic

2010-01-04T15:46:00.000-08:00

It's well known that I am a pretty cynical bastard, I realize it and have managed to come to terms with the fact that I will always be a little bit jaded. Yet something has happened that has rocked the foundation of my critical thought process. We have all seen infomercials and laughed aloud. some of my favorites are the little giant step ladder, anything Ginsu, anything George Foreman, and of course the the Slap chop. We watch these over the top "personalities" pitching what we assume are the most ridiculous, cheap, unnecessary pieces of crap that we will never need, and if we ever did buy them they would be broken the first time we tried to use them. Then I witnessed this at our annual white elephant get together. The pure unbridled joy captured in this moment stunned me. maybe I've been to jaded, maybe I should re-evaluate my position on everything I see from now on. I mean if the snuggie commercial with everyone dancing and partying in their snuggies is actually the truth, then perhaps my life isn't complete unless I own a slap chop with complimentary grady. Who knows, should I stay up tonight and buy everything my television says to. Should I vote for whoever Fox and Larrry King tell me to? Should I bow to the "wisdom" of the collective masses and start riding a fixed gear in tight capri man pants and a fedora? I'm not sure, I guess I'll have to just start by being a little less sarcastic and I think this post was just what the doctor ordered!

Who the hell are you?

2008-08-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

So here is the question of the day. Who the hell are you and why do you do what you do? And no this is not aimed at my people or the old folks, we all understand those two particular short comings. this is aimed directly at the pretentious asshole driving his BMW in the fast lane at sixty miles an hour. Or the nice lady in the suburban holding a phone to the side of her head, who manages to speed up when you try to pass her, and slow down when you can't, even though she can't focus enough of her attention on the road to keep the six thousand pounds of rolling death that she is piloting in her own damn lane. Perhaps even the tight assed, hybrid driving, card carrying member of P.E.T.A. that seems bent on personally enforcing the speed limit.

now before you get all anxious, and start screaming about how I am stereotyping you or your people, GET OVER YOURSELF! I didn't just pick these examples to hurt your poor fragile feelings, they are just the three knuckleheads that I encountered on my last commute. So if you are a pretentious ass, an oblivious bitch, or a self righteous nincompoop don't be upset, this is not a commentary of you and all your people, just the three I had to deal with.

So, now that we have the who, lets delve into the why. you are either :

A) unfamiliar with proper freeway etiquette.

B) multitasking, and, actually driving the vehicle you are sitting in is way down on your list of priorities. somewhere below applying make up, reading cosmo., changing the Avril Levine song on your radio, and of course chatting it up with your gay co-worker about how bad your man treats you.

C) so rich and pretentious, that you keep all of your employees cowering in fear, or clambering to plant their heads firmly between your cheeks. after so many years of ass kissing you might even have reached the logical conclusion that you are the only person on the road that matters, and everyone should cater to your particular "style" of driving, (while being suitably impressed with your awesome success as a human).

D) you and the other animal loving, tree hugging, self centered, holier-than-thou, despots, have all decided to save the environment by enforcing the speed limits that the police don't. yes you will save the planet by making people drive sixty thereby forcing their cars to run efficiently saving gasoline, reducing emissions, which lowers global warming. Hooray you, now if you could only remember what you did with that red paint, because that lady in the fur coat needs to be taught a lesson.

This brings us to our final option, and this one is my personal take on the whole situation.

E) You have come to the startling realization, (through years of intensive therapy) that you peaked in grade school. when the dirty old man that was your teacher made you the hall monitor in exchange for not telling anyone that he touched you in your naughty place. that was the last time you felt any real authority or control. now your life is a string of failed relationships with men (or women) that every day abuse you verbally or physically. you travel to and from a dead end job where you are unappreciated, looked over for advancement, and feel that everyone is out to get you. you boss is rude, callous, and never misses an opportunity to remind you where you stand in the grand scheme of things. you drink incessantly to try and forget the fact that not only is your entire life a complete and utter failure with no light at the end of the tunnel, you are bringing up your children in the same situation that you grew up in. that's right you have done very little, gone nowhere, and achieved nothing. if you disappeared no one would notice, but out on the freeways you are sixty mile an hour man/woman! yes here you are lord of the highway, enforcing YOUR will upon all the hapless souls that cross your path. yes for that one glorious hour you can exert some small measure of control over a dismal life that has been circling the drain for years, and you never miss an opportunity.

So I congratulate you sixty mile an hour man, on a game well played. you did indeed make me travel at sixty miles an hour (until the freeway hit six lanes), and I look forward to providing you with that one glimmer of satisfaction in the miserable swamp of sorrow that your pitiful life has become mired in, at some future date. until then, happy commuting,... you ass hat!

what is best in life

2008-08-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

alright, I am just as impressed as the rest of the world with how fast Mr. Phelps can swim. I am however, equally unimpressed with his attitude and ego. Am I the only one who is sick of hearing people debate whether or not this kid is "the greatest Olympian ever"? I mean really we get it the kid swims fast, yippee, but the Olympics is supposed to be about more the just your athletic prowess. they are supposed to bring people of very diverse cultures and backgrounds together to share in good clean competition, with the emphasis on sportsmanship. the Olympics aren't supposed to be the fighting pits of Sumaria, where you crush your enemies see them driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women. you aren't supposed to beat your chest and howl gloriously over the body of your fallen competitor, while the crowds shower you with howls of lust and fury. So yes the kid does swim fast, but after watching his behavior when he is winning, I have decided that for my money he is not the greatest Olympian ever, he's not even close.

in memory of

2008-02-26T16:16:00.000-08:00

just a note to acknowledge the passing of a loyal friend. Mr. John Wade's time has expired. after all the things he had to fight to overcome in his life, he is finally at peace. farewell friend, rest in peace.

you got served

2008-02-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

so all day long congress has been interviewing Roger Clemens about steroid use. I watched some of these self rightous knuckleheads preen in front of the cameras to show a "grateful" nation how much they are accomplishing for us, and I am appalled. This then, is what our elected officials are there for? I guess they need to take on the tough issues, like whether or not some dude cheated at a "sport" that a great many people don't give a rat's ass about. Good thing they are taking care of that instead of checking out why California still has gas prices over $3.00. Yes, I know that gas companies selling off California's surplus to foreign countries, and shutting down refineries so that they can fleece the unsuspecting public, is of little concern to the average person. I don't care about getting ripped off, as long as i know whether or not some millionaire athlete cheated at his sport, who needs to make a living anyway!
now as for congress investigating anyone, what makes them qualified? Is it the fact that they had enough money, or enough support from special interests to get elected? Does owing your job to unions, power companies, pharmacuetical companies, or maybe even more unsavory charactors make you qualified to sit in judgement of others? Here's a list of some elected officials and their problems, then you tell me.

1) Sen. Harry Reid- According to the times, he used his influence in Washington to help a developer (Mr. Whitmore) clear obstacles for a very profitable real estate project. As the deal advanced, he recieved tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from Whitmore, who also hired Sen. Reid's son as his personal lawyer, eventually appointing him to negotiate said real estate deal with federal officials. During the time he was negotiating this deal, the younger Reid called his father's office to talk to him about how to get the E.P.A. permits the deal needed to proceed, this represents a clear conflict of interests.

2)Rep. William Jefferson- indicted on federal charges of: Racketeering, soliciting bribes, and money laundering, in a long running bribery investigation into buisiness deals he tried to broker in Africa.

3) Sen. David Vitter- Acknowledged "serious sin" after his phone number was found among those called by an escort service that prosecutors allege was a prostitution ring.

4) Sen. Larry Craig- who can forget this guy? he was arrested (and plead guilty) for ,and i forget the legal terminology but this captures the spirit of it, toolin for man ass in a airport restroom.

5) former Mayor Rudy Guliani- ABC reported that the former mayor provided a police vehicle and a city driver to his mistress (who later became his new wife) at the taxpayers expense.

6) Sen Dianne Feinstein- while on the Senate appropriations commitee on military construction, reviewed very lucrative contracts that eventually were awarded to her husband's construction company. conflict of interest, or the best company for the job, you make the call.

7) Sen. Hillary Clinton- this "champion" of ethics reform, has blocked the release of white house records which may allegedly expose misconduct on behalf of her and/or her husband. in march of 2007 an ethics complaint was filed, for allegedly filing false financial disclosure forms with the Senate. as a result, her top campaign contributor, one Norman Hsu, was exposed as a felon and a fugitive from justice.

8) Rep. John Conyers- reportedly forced his staff to work as personal servants, sitters, valets, and campaign workers, while on the government payroll.

9) Sen. Barack Obama- caught conducting campaign buisiness in his senate office. (this is a violation of federal law). had "suspicious" dealings with indicted political fundraiser Antoin (tony) Rezko. he pushed legislation that benefited some major campaign contributors pharmacuetical companies, after buying thousands of dollars worth of stock in their companies (allegedly).

Is this then the best we have to offer? are these people we elected to serve our nation serving anyone but themselves? do we even really have a choice who gets elected, or just who they will let us elect? I don't have the answers to any of those questions, but after watching them "grill" some athletes, and the dudes who claim to have given them steroids, i can only reach one logical conclusion. I got served...... served, served, served, served... yeah!

election apathy

2008-01-30T15:17:00.001-08:00

today on the job, i heard some employees breaking the cardinal rule. ( never talk about sex, religion, or politics ). now a bunch of construction workers breaking rules is not surprising in and of itself. what was shocking to me was the topic, ( politics ) and the turn the conversation took. three dudes were saying they wouldn't bother going to vote because " who cares, I don't think any of them are qualified anyway." when i hear these kinds of indifferent comments, it disturbs me. there are places in the world where people would risk death just to speak their minds. in some places they would gladly sacrifice themselves for their children to have just the smallest chance to take an active role in their government. we take for granted, and blow off, the liberties that many others will never know. we rationalize our behavior by saying our voices won't make a difference, but every now and then, someone does. he or she may not live a very long life, but they make a positive change whatever the cost. this election when i go to the polls, whether there is a good candidate or not, i will be thankful that i at least have the chance to participate, and i will keep those who paid the ultimate price for me to have that opportunity close to my heart. every time i write some nonsense on the internet, i think of that dude standing in front of tanks in china. what a terrible chance he took to give people the right to assemble, if only for another minute. "he alone deserves liberty who daily must win them anew' --Geothe--

shiny objects

2008-01-29T15:23:00.000-08:00

so today i was in the bank for a few moments. and like most places these days they had a television blaring to distract us from their poor customer service. as i stood there waiting to be helped i started to feel a little insulted by the fact these people think we are so small minded that they can dazzle us with "shiny objects" while they do a sub par job. then just as i was about to sink into a dark place of fury and self righteousness, it happened. I heard the stupidest thing ever! an anchor on the television actually said " politics is supposed to be about honor and issues, not all of this mudslinging ", and kept a straight face . well as you can imagine, i was instantly enthralled. i mean really, who was the last politician that was honorable. or the last one that took on a hard issue, with nothing to gain from his/her stance. i stood there alternating between laughter and incredulity, until suddenly it was my turn. then i realized, it had worked. i was so dumbfounded i forgot to be pissed off about my slack ass banks' poor customer service. i was blinded by the "shiny objects". then i realized the dude on TV was doing the same thing. throw out some beautiful concepts to distract from the fact, that no matter who wins this election, most likely we will all lose. oh well, at least they will fill my vision with "shiny objects" for the next four years, maybe i won't notice everything going to hell.

the Clinton Obamanation

2008-01-22T15:28:00.000-08:00

so here's the thing, there has never been an election that should have been easier to win, for one political party. the dems. could have trotted out any old white dude, and won by a landslide. yet here they are, in the middle of all the primaries, and their leading candidates are a woman and a "african" american. at first i figured they were just out of touch with a good portion of the country, ie the south, back east, and small town bible belt states. i figured they all spent times in big cities, and didn't realize that crazy bigots are still running around all over this country. then it came to me! this may well be, the shrewdest civil rights advancement in decades. the democrats could take an election like this, where one party is so distasteful, and use it to force people to accept a candidate regardless of gender or ethnicity. i mean hell, it has happened in other countries, and they are still there. so this election year i will be tipping a glass back for the democratic party. they have either made a huge difference in the way this country's citizens view each other, or made the most monumental fuck up in election history! either way, i salute your courage, cheers.

todays haiku

2008-01-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

shades of black and pink
aggression and grace at once
bar inspiration

triumphant return

2008-01-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

That's right kids, the screamin chinaman is back on the blog. i have many excuses as to why i haven't posted since august. i was re-habing my injuries, i was working a ton of overtime (including being sent out of town for three weeks), i moved and was re-organizing, but the best excuse is i was/am building a sweet bar for my new apartment. well usually excuses are B.S. but heres some pictures, and you be the judge.

ahhh, the sweet taste of victory

2007-08-20T19:38:00.001-07:00

Jens wins the tour of Deutshland for the second year running. ALLEZ Jens, ALLEZ.

W.W.J.D., four words to live by.

2007-08-03T16:00:00.001-07:00

thats right kids, i follow the word. the word of bad ass cyclists that is. you know, the bad ass dudes who don't need drugs or transfusions to ride hard, kick ass, and sometimes even win! these four simple words define a whole lifestyle.

What Would Jens Do?

A) break the back of the peleton?

B) dig deep in his suitcase of courage?

C) put _______ in a spot of bother

D) all of the above.

the answer is always D.
read it, learn it, live it!

-Dave-

"this is no time for ease and comfort, it is time to dare and endure" --Winston Churchill--

2007-07-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

let us take a moment to acknowledge the good things that sports have to offer, case and point, Wim Vansevenant. Who is Wim? he is the Lanterne Rouge of the Tour De France. I realize most don't know what the hell that is, or why it even matters, so i will endeavor to explain. the Lanterne Rouge is the man who has the dubious honor of finishing the tour in last place. why should this matter? why do we care about some guy who came in last? well, the tour is one of the most brutal, grueling bike races/sporting events in the world, it takes incredible stamina and strength of mind and body to ride all twenty days when you have something to win. it takes even more courage and fortitude to continue on day in and day out knowing you will be consigned to finishing last. lesser men quit rather than being listed as the last place finisher. still others can't face the physical torment the race visits upon them, and bow under to the pain . Wim conquered all of these things and finished the whole thing. So let us all raise a glass in toast to Mr. Vanseveant, cheers mate!! job well done!!

another sad day

2007-07-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

Once again, the football world has received sad news. Legendary coach Bill Walsh, inventor of the "west coast" offense, has passed away at the age of 75, after a long battle with leukemia. many current coaches can trace their coaching lineage back to Mr Walsh including but not limited to: George Siefert, Sam Wyche, Dennis Green, Ray Rhodes, and Mike Holmgren. Bill Walsh created the minority coaching fellowship in 1987, to help minority coaches gain a foothold in a previously white profession. Marvin Lewis, and Tyrone Willingham were two of it's successes, and it was later adopted as a league wide initiative. he is widely aknowledged as one of the most cerebral coaches of this or any generation, and was accounted as one of the games great teaching coaches. he is most remembered for coaching the previously 2 and 14 forty niners to three super bowl victories, but while he was general manager his beloved forty niners won two more titles. he was well liked, and universally respected, twice being named coach of the year. our heartfelt condolences go out to the family that survives him. he will truly be missed, for his influences on, and off the field.

farewell to good times past

2007-07-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

as if the last two weeks weren't bad enough for sports in general, now comes the word that i have dreaded for the last year. I knew that Curtis Martin was going to retire, but having it finally happen still pains me. i can no longer harbor hope of a miraculous come back. my favorite player in the NFL is gone. i would like to say thank you Mr. Martin for all your years of hard work and sacrifice. thank you for carrying the team i love upon your shoulders, and never once complaining. there were never any trade demands, hold outs, arrests, nightclub brawls, or anything else that would embarrass your fans. you labored to be the very best at your profession in the off season, and you played through pain that would have made others quit during the season. yet you never sought the recognition that you so richly deserved. you weren't the type to shamelessly self promote, as most of your former peers seem to do. with you there was never, "the i gained three yards on second and two" celebrations, no it was class all the way. in times of turmoil like this, it was especially nice to watch a true professional go out and play the game he loved, the way it should be played, with passion, heart, courage, toughness, skill, grace, and respect. you were truly the class of the league, and you will be missed. thank you Curtis Martin, and may you achieve as much in your further endeavors as you did as a player.

R.J.B.

cyclists wrecking own sport

2007-07-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

cycling continues the downward spiral, with the positive doping test of Cofidis rider Christian Moreni, and the subsequent sacking of his entire team from the Tour DE France. as if this was not already bad enough, the leader of the tour, after a gutsy performance resulting in a stunning victory on the last mountain stage of the tour (which would virtually insure overall victory) was thrown out of the tour by his own team and summarily fired. he is rumored to be one of the mysterious "men in black" (cyclists who train in solid colored clothes instead of their team kits to avoid detection and doping controls in the off season), and has admitted to providing false information about his whereabouts while training to the U.C.I. all of this crap just overshadows the great strides and amazing performances of the clean riders in the sport. all of this makes me pine for something pure and noble. please bring back the roller derby, where people go and compete on an even playing field with skill, aggression, and heart, for no other reason then love of the game.

F#%&!! F?#&IN, F%&#ITY, F&%#, F#%K!!!

2007-07-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Alexandre Vinokourov, he was supposed to be the best of us. he was the odds on favorite to win the Tour De France. one of the truly strong men, in mind and body. he was well liked and respected by all in the peleton. after crashing in stage five and getting seriously injured, he received 30 - 40 stitches in his knees and elbow, he soldiered on. he lost huge chunks of time on stages he would have dominated in the past, obviously a shell of the man he was before injured, yet on he pressed refusing to quit. the crowd roared in approval as he staged a comeback in the time trial, and ran beside him yelling encouragement on the next mountain stage when he again faltered and dropped out of contention for good. having no hope of actually winning the tour, he did not quit like so many others, instead he attacked and looked for the individual stage victories. this courage and moxy made him a favorite of the fans, and they cheered him to victory in stage fifteen. he had such heart and courage that people flocked to him rather than the maillot jaune of the race leader. the prime minister of Kazakhstan personally came to visit him at the tour and tell him that they would sponsor his team for the next ten years. then today comes the tragic news that he has tested positive for a blood transfusion after his time trial win. i am heartbroken. he had it all, everyone already knew how good he was. he was more celebrated for this tour than any other rider in the field. the French fans showed up and cheered him as if he was one of their own, and this is the same man that said "french riders were always off the back because they were just lazy". they respected him when he was winning, but they loved him for the courage and fortitude he showed in defeat. he had nothing more to gain in this tour, and instead of going down as being the class of the field, another one of the great names in cycling is disgraced. maybe the sport i love really doesn't have any heroes. oh, and in case anyone reads this and wonders, he uses the same doctor that Lance Armstrong did. coincidence?!?!?

2007-07-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

welcome home Derek Fisher. you bring with you much needed class and dignity. you and Luke Walton are the only players left that are truly Lakers. under your tutelage some of the younger players could also begin to attain all the qualities that a real Laker embodies. in addition to your talent, your calmness, heart, courage, and grace are things this franchise has been sorely lacking in the Kobe era. may you know only success on and off the court.

i am one sad puppy

2007-07-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here's today's haiku.

Tara you are fierce.
And Venus is a terror.
I miss the derby.

Fin.

yes, yes, i know, i am one sad puppy.

oh, the humanity

2007-07-18T15:09:00.001-07:00

aaaaarrggghhh! there has recently opened a gaping hole in my life. i would like to explain it, but i can not find the words. i find that i can only express my feelings of anguish in haiku. so here it is.

painful solitude.
i need more speed and carnage.
where are you now dolls?

Fin.

cone of silence?

2007-07-12T18:05:00.000-07:00

alright, what the hell is it with me and technology? first there is the power grid that shuts down for hours every time the temperatures climb. then of course there is the mysterious web of computer signal blockage that encompasses my room, and my room alone. and now there is my goddamn cell phone service, or lack there of. yes that's right, my cellphone is the latest casualty of the dave technology curse. it says i have five full bars of reception, until i actually attempt to use it, then it switches to no signal and completely pisses me off! i have always had reception at my house, yet here i am sans phone. maybe the next time i send verizon a check, i should wait until they are trying to cash it, and then cancel it and send them a letter that says no payment. God Damn you verizon, God Damn you to hell, if you believe in that sort of thing.

patriotism anyone?

2007-07-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

it is good to live in the free world damnit! i know i have my issues, but goddamn it there are some things you just can't beat. (unless they ask you to, and then only with the proper fda approved devices). i can say nothing more, further comments would just serve to dim these ladies radiance.

if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck

2007-07-03T15:01:00.000-07:00

hah hah hah hah hah!!! the Anaheim ducks, who i have said all last season are F'n thugs, have just proved me right. yes, yes, i know they won the Stanley cup, but most teams in the playoffs could have, if they had systematically injured all the opposing teams players, just like the ducks did. i mean, that bitch Pronger was suspended ,TWICE in the playoffs for being the dirty bastard that he is. some of you said it was sour grapes, but i maintained my position all along. well, VINDICATION IS MINE!!! the ducks just signed Todd "I'll break your neck if you piss me off" Bertuzzi. I have a new phone line that will be dedicated to fielding apologies from all who accused me of being to biased to see the whole picture. just dial 1-888-Ima-dick. and yes i know Detroit had him last year, but they also had three kids from the minors playing in the playoffs. there weren't enough bodies to fill a roster without him. and yes i did boo one of my own players, i mean come on, it was bertuzzi.

insert clever title here

2007-07-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

to those of you who are roller derby aficionados, i recently attended bout # 2 of the angel city derby girls season. it is definitely different than the L.A. Derby Dolls that i know and love, but it was entertaining nonetheless. don't get me wrong, i am not knocking these women one bit. they go out there and skate just as hard and care about their sport just as much. the differences arise from the tracks. the angel city girls don't reach the same breakneck speeds as the dolls due to the fact that they skate on a flat surface. and there doesn't seem to be as much hitting because skaters constantly flutter outside the lines to dodge someone. the dolls on the other hand, can ramp up the speed on their banked track, and there is nowhere to dodge when you you have a rail around the perimeter of the track. of course I'm biased, I'll always believe that "my" derby dolls are faster, meaner, stronger, and more beautiful than any other leagues girls, but that won't stop me from supporting other leagues as well. after all, the angel city girls always show up at the dolls events, the least i can do is turn the other cheek. really when it comes down to it, as long as they'll skate, we should support them. they are my people, the ones who fly in the face of convention. the ones who say "fuck society. I'm going to find a way to look how i want, live how i want, and do what i love. I'm going to make it work and you can't stop me." and more power to them!

where's my chainsaw?

2007-07-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

hello kids, I'm back. I am still angry, but i have calmed down enough to resume writing nonsense. So, away we go. about two weeks ago, yahoo news had an article about a whale that had been killed. It seems that when they were cutting it up with a chainsaw, they found the remains of an old projectile used to "hunt" whales. well, being the fine citizens that they are, the good kind whalers took the bits to be analyzed. it turns out that the pieces match what was used to kill whales in 1879. yes that's right, the whale was at least one hundred and thirty years old when the good kind whalers decided to slay it. what does it say about the human race, that we are still slaughtering 130 year old critters when we don't really need to? i can only hope that these fine examples of humanity are cutting down giant sequoias to make their harpoons.

you can all rest easy now

2007-06-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

everyone who was worried about the current state of our justice system can now relax. yes the reverend AL Sharpton is on the job. he will be speaking with sheriff lee Baca about treating all inmates equally. i for one feel relieved. AL always has all the right answers. well.... OK so he rushed to judgement in the Tawana Brawley case, but he is the only righteous man on the planet. then.... there was the duke lacrosse thing, where he was sure those guys were getting preferential treatment (never mind the fact that they were found innocent), good thing he was there to bring the special brand of justice that only he can provide. lest we not forget the whole don Imus fiasco, AL was perfect to judge Imus, i mean who better to recognize racial bias, than a guy convicted of defamation for his comments about a white d.a. just knowing AL is on the case in l.a. brings joy to my heart, I'll sleep soundly tonight. for those of you ill equipped to recognize sarcasm, the preceding was it!

contempt of court? your god damn right contempt

2007-06-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

today i went and got a copy of the police report for the bicycle accident i was in. despite the fact that i and the other person who crashed both told the police that the accident was caused by the teenage girl deliberately stepping out in front of us. this is not mentioned in the report. an independent witness who saw the whole thing told the officer that the girl stepped out into the street causing the accident as well. but in the police report i have. the accident is listed as a bicycle and a motor scooter traveling the same direction down the road and crashing into each other with no pedestrians involved. the diagram of the accident shows no pedestrians on it at all. the girl who caused the whole thing is listed on the report, but only as a witness. this then is the justice that this country provides. this is what every soldier since the American revolution has fought for. this is the equality and the American way. this is what i sacrificed time with family and friends for. this is why i trained, why i bled, and what my brothers in arms were buried for. this is a fucking travesty. i am ashamed of what this country has become, as i am bitter for everyone who gave their life to defend it. this country has become a nation of whores, selling our labor, our resources, our government, and our justice to the highest bidder, and for the first time in my life i am ashamed to be a part of it. the police are either incompetent or corrupt and the courts no longer serve justice, they serve the "law", (if you can afford it). i have nothing but contempt for the whole legal process. i am disgusted, and disillusioned, and i am seriously considering moving. this is no longer the America that i proudly served, this is a mockery, and those that have died in her service over the years have done so in vain. i weep for the future

who says "good guys always finish last"?

2007-06-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

as bad as the situation in sports sometimes gets, sometimes it is still a glorious, pure, and triumphant spectacle of all that is good and noble. sometimes a clean hard working young man rises up and achieves more than anyone could reasonably expect, or imagine. over the past three weeks, 21 year old Andy schleck rode into second place in the giro d' italia. in the early stages of the race the fans applauded his effort, while silently saying he was to young and inexperienced to finish in the lofty position he had attained, but as time went on they started to believe. on the penultimate stage of the race, on the climb up the mighty mt Zoncolon (one of the toughest climbs in Europe), he was off the pace and people started to nod their heads knowingly. this was it the youngster finally had broken was the popular opinion, this then would be his triumph. after 131 kilometers the mt Zoncolon climb started. it is a twelve kilometer climb with an average 14.9% grade, and Andy was behind the leaders and looked to be in difficulty. then to everyone's surprise he started to fly. he quickly bridged to the race leader's gruppo, and then with astonishing ease left them behind. he finished the day in third place for the stage, and gained time on all of his closest competitors. the only people to best him that day, were a four time champion of the giro and that champion's teammate. this accomplishment cemented his place on the podium, and secured for Andy, the jersey for best young rider in the giro. instead of riding defensively for the last stages of the race, Andy continued to ride aggressively and took about thirty seconds out of the race leader in the last time trial of the giro. this was not enough to win overall, but in finishing the way he did, he showed character, and class, and brought great support to the pro peleton in a time when it is sorely needed. this then is what sports are truly about, his grit and determination brought out the best not only in himself, but inspired all who watched. bravo Andy, bravo. and on a side note, to show he is a normal red blooded young man, he had his teammates teach him some Italian to impress the gorgeous miss giro on the final podium. he said to her "ti voglio dare tanti baci" (i want to give you many kisses). the crowd and miss giro both appreciated the comments, in the spirit they were made, and everyone had a good laugh. once again bravo Andy.

2007-06-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

once again i am stunned by the things chris pronger does on the ice. he has all the physical gifts in the world but he insists on doing things that i and most around me consider to be dirty. he hits high and i believe with the intent to injure. i hope he is suspended for the rest of the playoffs. this is after all the second time he has tried to eliminate an opponent by hitting him in the head, in only this playoff year. so this picture goes out to you chris pronger, it is how i see you and your tactics you piece of s%#*!

my holy grail?

2007-05-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

that's right kids, i have almost completed my quest to change my luck. after about nine years of seaching, i have located and purchased the asahi super lucky cat. it is brand new and in the original box. the company says that this is critical, because if you buy a used cat the luck does not change hands with it. i know this might seem silly to some, but lets look at the facts. since my purchase (before i've even recieved my cat) my luck has already changed for the better. i haven't been in one bicycle accident since. i know you might think this is because i still don't have a bike, but i prefer to look at it differently. if i had a bike i might have been involved in the massive wreck at the rose bowl last night. one guy got hurt so badly they had to take him to the hospital in an ambulance, he was unconcious. pretty lucky i wasn't there huh? hopefully he can find a lucky cat to speed him down the road to recovery. so here's to the lucky cat and the fine times in the years to come. cheers!

F the whales, save the whalers

2007-05-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

it has come to my attention that the Nashville predators have been sold to some Canadian billionaire. this is fantastic. hockey could finally be taking one step in the right direction. hockey could return to prominence in short order. all they have to do is move that team out of Nashville and up to Hartford. that's right bring back the whalers! think of all the positive press you'd get restoring a traditional franchise like that. and all the protests by animal rights advocates would put the franchise in the news daily. that's a good business decision, it's free advertising. so there it is, screw saving the whales, save the whalers.

you thought you had a bad day

2007-05-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

i would like to start by apologizing for my long absence, (as if anyone reads this nonsense). i was placed on injured reserve for a while but now I'm back and "better" than ever. (really i had no where to go but up) here's the latest madness in my life. i was riding my bicycle around the rose bowl. (for those of you who don't know, there is a three mile loop around the stadium. it has relatively little traffic and many people go there to walk run and bike. it is supposed to be pretty safe.) on the downhill side of the loop i was passed by two kids on motor scooters. i checked my speedometer and decided my pride was still intact since they were traveling at a little over 25 Mph. i tucked in about ten feet behind one of them and figured I'd let them pace me home. about 3/4 of a mile later some idiot, irresponsible, retarded, stupid, no good, waste of space teenage girl looked back over her shoulder at us, took two more steps, looked back again and stepped out into the road deliberately to scare the dude on the scooter in front of me. he should have run her worthless ass over! instead he swerved to avoid her, and chaos ensued. when he swerved to the left, i did likewise hoping to avoid the carnage, but to no avail. when he crashed he was thrown right into my path, at 25 Mph i could not avoid him. i went over the bars and down to the pavement. i have included in this post some road rash photos, a couple bruise photos, and a picture of my broken forks. yes that's right, the impact of my bike hitting that poor scooter dude's back broke my carbon fiber forks. i did not include the pictures of my helmet. it is hard to see the cracks in the helmet in photos. not that the cracks are bad, it worked exactly like it was designed to, and i am convinced it saved my life. ( much love to GIRO for making a fine product.) here's where the ridiculousness really starts. that night there was a "ride of silence" (for all the cyclists killed or injured by cars while riding) apparently channel nine was there doing a segment about it for their eleven o'clock broadcast. the ride of silence rode silently by me to go get on the news, instead of stopping to help carry my bleeding carcass out of the road. nice! then when i said i wanted a police report some random a-hole started accusing me of trying to take advantage of the situation. take advantage? some stupid bitch deliberately crashes me and I'm taking advantage? lets take a tally shall we?

emergency room visit with seven x-rays --------- haven't received the bill yet.
broken forks on bike ------------------------------ approx. $300-450
broken seat --------------------------------------- approx $170
complete disassemble and safety check bike ------- approx $???
universal cycling bibs and jersey ------------------ approx $160
new bicycle helmet (I'm buying the same one) ----- approx $190

those are just the things i know are ruined. i still may need more visits to doctors, and they might find more broken parts on my bike, and some random fu#$er who didn't even see the crash has the unmitigated gall to accuse me of taking advantage? it's a good thing I've grown up a little, because if this had gone down a few years ago, i would have had to add bail money to the list cause I'd have hurt that ignorant bastard. the worst part is, this little bitch who caused the whole thing (on purpose i might add) is going to get away scott free. i can't press criminal charges, and it would cost more to get a lawyer and sue her than it would be worth. oh and here's the kicker. this accident and my subsequent period of immobilization caused me to miss the camping trip with all of my friends that i had been planning for months. DAMMIT!!! so there it is, Dave's bad day, i hope yours goes a little better.

the random jaunts to insanity are always the best

2007-04-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

so on the spur of the moment i decided to go see the dodgers play the giants. i talked to fancy pants and he said he was in. so i bought two tickets for the left field bleachers, where we could heckle Barry Bonds. here's a rundown of how it went:

each ticket $8.00 plus ticketmaster charge.
parking $15.00
1 dodger dog, nachos, and a lemonade(the only size they sell is large) $15.50
sitting in a stadium with 43,000 people chanting steeeeerrrrooooooiiiidddssss... priceless!

I mean c'mon, what's more fun than sitting in the bleachers and jeering Barry. the people in left field are pretty creative to. there were such gems as:

shoot um up Barry, shoot um up (clap clap). repeat until he shakes his ass in contempt. then increse volume

baaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllccooooooooooooo. repeat until he shakes his head

Barry sucks, barry sucks, barry sucks, etc, etc. this works best just after you have stopped booing and while he is still walking out to left field.

sstteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiddddsssssss. repeat until whole stadium shakes

throw it back, throw it back. this is used after any giant hits a home run, especially Barry

and of course you can always just boo lustily, while holding your left arm up in the air and using your right arm to pretend to inject steroids.

all in all, it was a really good time. i rocked the "dopers suck" t-shirt and wristband. both of them elicited many great looks and comments, from dodgers fans and giants fans. The only bummer of the night was, the dodgers lost, and the guy the dodgers beaned was not Barry. still, for a random decision, it was a great way to spend an evening.

no, it was a weather balloon, really, it was

2007-04-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

so here we are again. Floyd Landis, author of the single greatest cycling feat i have ever had the privilege to witness, is being railroaded again (allegedly). I have no illusions about his innocence or guilt. i fully realize that the sport i love is tainted. it has a history of performance enhancing drugs. i mean hell, in the old days they used amphetamines to get a little edge on the competition. it wasn't until some poor dude's heart exploded on a climb, that they did something about that. no i have no illusions, these men compete in an insanely hard event, and the stakes are high. only the top riders make the big contracts, and sponsors want immediate results. i understand and accept this with no reservations. the part i don't understand is this:
Floyd Landis has repeatedly questioned the ethics and standards of the french lab testing his samples. his first sample that tested positive checked in at five different checkpoints on the way to the lab with four different tracking numbers (allegedly).
Once your A samples are cleared your B samples aren't supposed to be tested. If they are , the results cannot replace a negative result on an A sample, even if they do come back positive.
The US ADA was allowed to test his old B samples anyway.
Floyd asked that the samples be tested in a different lab, once again citing alleged improper practices of the aforementioned french lab.
The samples were tested at the same French lab regardless. the lab promised to give Landis' expert and an attorney complete access to the testing procedures.
Floyd's experts were allegedly denied entrance to the facilities on different occasions while the US ADA representative received unfettered access.
now the results have come back poitive.(after the A samples tested negative) at least that is what was leaked from the lab or the US ADA (allegedly) to the french newspaper l'equipe. the whole thing just stinks. it's like Floyd is standing on his soap box screaming "the aliens have landed in roswell, the aliens have landed in roswell!" and the US ADA and that french lab are saying back "no sir that was a weather balloon, no spaceships here in roswell, just an old weather balloon." either way the louder they shout the less anyone believes them. i mean, i don't believe aliens landed in roswell, but i don't think it was a weather balloon either.
so lets all raise a glass and toast the french lab and the US ADA, they made sure that even if they don't win, those who love the sport of cycling will lose!

because i said so

2007-04-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

oh happy day! the infallible, untouchable, all knowing, catholic church has finally reached a decision about the existence of limbo. the judgement that they hold is that limbo does not exist. now i can rest easy at night. the catholic church has finally answered the burning question that has for so long been chained to my soul. it was like an emotional anchor, dragging me into depression, but now there is only the sunlight and happiness. thank you, oh thank you catholic church, for letting me know that you don't know what happens to the souls of babies when they die. but you know for a fact that they do not end up in limbo. i find it particularly appropriate that you saw fit to educate me on April twentieth. yep you are savvy clergy to recognize a holiday of this nature and give us another reason to celebrate. in closing, thank you, for showing the world how smart you really are, on this our most hallowed of holidays.

happy 420 to whom so ever might chance upon this tidbit of sarcasm and disrespect.

and boy are my arms tired.

2007-04-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

this sparkling little gem comes to you courtesy of the little kenny.

1. go to google.

2. click google maps.

3. click get directions.

4. enter: New York, New York as starting address

5. enter: Paris, France as destination

6. click get directions

7. scroll down and read line 23

8. if you laugh, re-post this little piece of fluff.

i do realize that this is a radical departure from my usual frustrated rants. but i promise, i wont be happy for long. soon something will upset me, or anger me, and the screaming chinaman will be back in action.

Don Imus and Duke lacrosse, what a pair

2007-04-11T18:39:00.000-07:00

Now I know that this is probably a pretty touchy subject to a lot of people. Mr Imus's remarks were indeed callous and thoughtless, but i am sick of hearing people saying he should lose his job. Every day there seems to be some new representative of some human rights group on the television screaming that he should be fired. lets look at it realistically, the man has a comedy show. He is paid to walk the line every day, because lets face it, most humor is at someone else's expense. While he agrees that he crossed the line,he claims it was not said to be hurtful, it was said within the confines of his show as humor. He knows he missed the mark and has apologized profusely. He has been suspended, and not protested one bit, Yet the media frenzy continues. they are like sharks with blood in the water, they circle and hunt relentlessly. They trot out every African American activist they can find to vilify Mr Imus. Day after day i have seen this, and it has brought me to this conclusion. Political correctness has gotten way out of hand. By way of example I would like to bring up another such situation, the Duke lacrosse rape scandal. That situation started out much the same way, at least from the standpoint of media coverage. there was the reverend Al Sharpton preaching about racism and the over privileged white America. These kids were arrested, their Lacrosse program was shut down (effecting other players as well), they were publicly declared guilty before the evidence was in, they were ostracized by their school and by their peers, and forever will have the spectre of that case looming over them. Now here we are thirteen months later and all three are exonerated of all charges. Where now is Al Sharpton, where is the NAACP? I want to see these guys on my television apologizing as loud as they condemned. If Don Imus should be fired, then shouldn't Al Sharpton as well? he unfairly characterized three white youths as criminals and racists, is that not as bad if not worse than what Imus did? At least Imus didn't cost the women he insulted their athletic and scholastic careers, they didn't end up jailed and marked for the rest of their lives. Furthermore, if you are going to fire public personalities for political correctness, then shouldn't most rappers lose their record contracts for their hateful lyrics? Or perhaps political correctness only counts if it gives someone else a little notoriety? I guess no one I have seen on my television in the last three days has ever made a mistake. they probably also have never mis-spoken, and they definitely never offended anyone. They must be shining beacons of humanity, perfect in every aspect. I am so sick of this crap! People are stupid and thoughtless, sometimes they say things that aggravate each other, and sometimes it is an accident. save all the venom for the people who deserve it. this guy isn't burning crosses on peoples lawns. matter of fact he doesn't start his suspension until the end of the week so that he can finish his charity drive to benefit S.I.D.S. research. You want to fix this culture? then look in the mirror and start there first you self righteous F$%*S. That is all.

wooden who?

2007-04-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well kids it's that time of year again. yes that's right, the ncaa basketball tourney is over and only one team is truly satisfied. Unfortunately for yours truly, it is not the team i like. All things considered i was pretty philosophical about the whole thing. (no drinking binges, or cursing screaming tirades) i avoided the week long disconsolate attitude that normally colors my life after a crushing defeat in the tournament. somehow i even bypassed the unbridled rage that comes from seeing Joachim Noah, and his band of classless cohorts, overly celebrating their victory over UCLA. This particular state of mind was a whole new thing for me, and it was a little disconcerting i don't mind saying. where is all this going you might ask? well i wished to establish my current state of mind before i saw the atrocities that forced me to act.
Right smack dab in the middle of my new found (and mostly ignorant) bliss, i was harshly forced back to reality. I was informed that Mr. Noah and his cronies (hereafter referred to as those disrespectful punk kids, or DPK), wore t-shirts before the ucla game that said "Wooden Who". Those little bastards, who do they think they are? Coach Wooden is universally loved. He is respected not only for his coaching prowess, but for his amazing moral fiber. The man had more success coaching, than any coach, of any sport, on any level, but feels that his greatest accomplishments came teaching english. He never talked to his teams about winning or losing. He always told his teams that, if you are satisfied that you give your best effort for yourself and for your teammates then you are a success. He really meant it too. He will never name his favorite players, because he loved them all so much, but the men he lists as his greatest successes are not the men you would expect. They are not the Kareems or the Waltons, they are the players that came to his program troubled, or with attitude problems, and went on to be successful in life. players that never went to the NBA, but became better well rounded men.
Having attended many UCLA basketball games, I have seen first hand the respect, and reverence that everyone gives coach. Understand that when i say everyone, i mean everyone. I have watched opposing teams line up during warm ups, just for a chance to shake the mans hand. Teams that hated UCLA, teams that would fight tooth and nail during the game, all of them hold that man in high regard. No matter how fierce the rivalry between schools, coach was above it. Not because of his coaching records, but because of the man he is. Which brings us back to those disrespectful punk kids, for them to wear those shirts shows an incredible lack of respect, above and beyond the accepted norm. I mean really, we tolerate it when Noah pounds his chest after a routine play. We don't react when he screams and curses for a foul being called against him, no matter how flagrant the violation. We show incredible restraint by not kicking over the table he stands upon, while rubbing his victory in our faces by taunting our fans and blowing kisses at our cheerleaders. We have come to terms with the fact that this generation of athletes are mostly spoiled, self centered, disrespectful, egomaniacs, but these kids top them all.
At first i thought about turning the other cheek. I even wrote a post similar to this. In that post i finished with the sentiment that i wished Mr Noah success in life, but some of us measure success differently. that is, i am sure, what coach thinks when he sees Noahs' childish antics. After further mulling it over, i realized that i am not that good a person. I wish for you and your cohorts MR Noah, that for every time you indulge yourself by engaging in such juvenile antics, you are blessed with pain and misfortune. It is my most fervent hope that you have misery heaped on you in such great amounts that you are forced to look long and hard at yourself you ignorant f#&*. Until the day that you grow up, here's hoping you suffer, you disrespectful punk kid!